Hello all, long time no see.
I'm going to be talking to you about some nonsense over the next few posts. I have to get out of town for a little while, but not to fear, this little trip won't take more than a month or so. Seems that Uncle Sam has heard this kneeling drunkards plea and given him a few days break from the global war on terror.
So what are we going to talk about today? I'm glad you asked. I have a rather stiff scotch and water sitting beside me now, and because of it, I'm going to talk about something I normally would not: FEAR.
Big deal, lots of new age guys are talking about fear these days. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of loss. That's great, but what I want to talk about is the fear that lurks WAY down deep. Now I want to qualify this statement to most of you. I have experienced fear of the sort that most of you will never know. Only you who have led men into combat know what I mean. Not the fear of losing your life, but the fear that you might lose one of your men. I still wake up in the middle of the night with that nightmare. I have also experienced fear of the sort that would make most of you want to slap me. Truth be told, the opposite sex scares the hell out of me. There is a certain woman out there that I really want to tell how I feel, but the fear of it keeps me silent. Silly, yes. Pathetic, maybe. But the fear remains...
Let me digress here for just a moment. I'm a product of pop culture so let me give you an example of the fear that I want to talk about. Some of you out there may know that I am a big fan of Highlander. There is a great scene in Highlander 2 where McLeod and Ramirez are trapped and about to be killed. Ramirez turns to McLeod and says that each man is given a measure of life. The test of this life is what he does with it. But sometimes a man can focus that life into a single moment and accomplish something great. Really a powerful scene in a movie. For you geeks like me you probably got a little choked up as well. Here is the point: What happens when that single moment comes? How do you know when it will be the time? Will I have the strength to focus my effort for that instant? Will I be good enough to rise to the task? When lives are on the line and they need me, will I be able to see them through?
Some will argue that a little bit of fear is good for a man. Fear will keep him sharp, always looking for self-improvement. But fear is a double edged sword. It is the path to self-improvement, but it is also the path to self-doubt. I pray every day that I head down the path to the former and not the latter. And that one day I will wake up and not be afraid.
